Lacking Motivation

I never really regret anything I do; I make decisions and if it happens to be a bad one, I [complain a lot for a little bit] accept my mistake and move on. My lack of motivation this year has been one regret that has been bothering me for a while.

Had I been more motivated, I would have gotten in my PDS paperwork in time. I would have been able to have volunteered in clinic by now, and most importantly, I would have been able to go on Mercy [a humanitarian mission with the USNS] this summer. Every summer when I end up just taking summer classes instead of doing anything more worthwhile like internships, I keep saying that next year, I will improve. This has yet to happen; I am six weeks away from summer, and yet again, I will not be doing anything of significance. Dental school applications are creeping closer and closer, and I have nothing to show. My grades are not good, I have no experience, and I really need to start kicking it up. Going on the Mercy trip this summer would have been the most perfect opportunity for me to finally do something worthwhile with my time. Not only that, I especially wanted to go because one of my closest friends is leaving this year, and going on the ship with him would have been an extremely fun experience before we have to part.

I feel like I study so hard, but my grades are still so bad. I know I should change my methods of studying, but no matter what I try or how hard I work; I only come out average. Maybe it's the competitiveness in me that causes me to feel so negative every time I come out with a bad grade. I guess this is balanced out by my stubbornness/determination though. [I'd like to think of it as determination since it has a more positive connotation :]]

Ah, this is been a long rant, and in the end, I just have to accept what already has happened and move on. Typing this blog during metabolic class probably isn't the best start to improving my academic improvement. Back to lecture!


...o!!<