Globus Hystericus

"Globus Hystericus usually manifests itself as a feeling of tightness in the throat, often, but not always, causing a feeling as if you have something stuck in your throat.

If you experience Globus Hystericus regularly, even when no 'real' threat is present, it possibly means that you suffer from inappropriate anxiety levels also called anxiety disorder."

Wow, okay everything totally makes sense now. I get this feeling every so often, and tonight, it's been so bad that I can't sleep. And all along, I thought I was just crazy.

Lately, it feels like I'm kind of an empty shell. I feel like I'm drained of my emotions because I had used so much of them so quickly. I feel like I'm on the brink of snapping into a nervous breakdown, and even a small stimuli can set me off. I definitely feel like it originated from feeling too burnt out from school, although that is not the primary reason it persists. I really need a break from academia; and my "social life" isn't helping much either. In fact, my social life is what is prolonging all this stress. A traumatic event usually hits me hard at first, but it fades quickly. The initial shock really impacts me, so I feel like I'm still in that phase right now.

I know that I'll always be okay; there is no doubt about that. But sometimes I wish that when I say I'll be okay, you would see that I just need some comforting sometimes.

Home Sweet Apartment

I came back to SD today. When I got into my apartment, it felt nostalgic and home-y although I haven't stayed there long at all; only a month or so. Still though, it felt even more welcoming when Sharon, Katasha, and I played this Pictionary game online. Hilarious and entertaining, btw. I think my sentences/phrases are really choppy right now, and I'm not sure. Maybe it's because my thoughts and all frazzled. Frazzled? Who says frazzled....? Anyway... back to the subject, it was just a very warm and welcoming feeling to spend time and laugh with apartment mates. It made me re-think about I-House. I wondered if this is another one of those things where I really want it and I continue to want it although I don't know why I do anymore. I don't know if that made sense. Anyway, I made cookies later and gave some to Sharon. She happily replied, "I love being your roommate!" Although it made me feel happy for the initial second, I immediately felt guilty and somewhat sad and regretful about moving out.

Mannnn, I feel so angst-y lately. I don't really know why; it's similar to the feeling I had last, last Spring Quarter when I got burnt out from De Anza. Although it's weird because I knowingly forced myself into this burnt-outness. I don't even think I really am burnt out, but maybe I'm burnt out from life? I just feel like there's no excitement and I seriously have a lack of friends. This is so reminiscent of last fall when I went through a whole emo loner phase. There has got to be more to my life than just school; I know after I messed up in high school, I dedicated a lot to academics, but maybe too much. I don't feel like I have much left and I need some stimulation in my life to feel like I'm really alive. I want to go on an adventure.

Anyway, I don't know if this is on a brighter note or note. But I finally set my mind to do something I've wanted to for a long time. Since I'm running on this adrenaline to act upon it, I hope the feeling doesn't wear off anytime soon. I can see this feeling slipping quick if I don't do something about it ASAP, because I rarely have the guts to confront people. I don't want to keep myself waiting anymore; but more importantly, I don't want to keep anyone else waiting anymore.

I can't see!

I lost my glasses during finals week of Spring Quarter, and I seriously can't survive without them. I can't see the board at ALL if I don't wear my glasses, which is weird because my eyesight really isn't that bad at all [around 100 or less]. But yeah, even at home, sometimes the TV is blurry although I'm not that far away either. Gahh where are my grasses? :[

On a completely different note, I really like to make friends haha. Sometimes I meet people that I really wanna be friends with; it almost seems like I have a crush on them because I wanna talk to them and hang out with them although I don't even know them that well. Am I really weird for that??

p.s. How I Met Your Mother is SO GOOD!!!! I've been having "itchings" to watch it, haha.

Birthday

I don't think I've ever dreaded my birthday before, so I'm not sure why I do this time. In fact, I really wish the days would just skip over my birthday. Maybe it's because it reminds me of how young I am [compared to everyone else, at least] or how I'm not 21. If I could get 22+ on DATs for my birthday, that would be a different story. Ah well, I guess it doesn't really matter. Age is but a number anyway. I'm sure I'll still act like I'm 12 when I'm 50, just like my silly mom.

Anyway, DATs are in 2 days. I better own this shizz; wasted so much of my life studying for it. Then again, my whole life is wasted studying anyway. I always daydream about doing really well on this test so I actually have a chance of getting into dental school, butttttt seeing as how I'm a terrible test-taker, that is probably not going to happen. Still though, gotta study while I can. Adiossss world, until Friday!


...o!!<