Angel v.s. Devil

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to do the things I want to do or say I'll do. I don't know why I do this, but even when I am fully aware I'm making the wrong decision, I'll still do it despite my conscious telling me it's not what I want. I'll make sure that I carry out the mission, even though it's not what I feel is right. My brain is just stubborn and acts without regard to what I feel. I think that's why I feel so conflicted all the time; because I can't govern between what I think and what I feel. It's like always having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. I remember growing up always wanting to be someone who had the courage and decency to "do the right thing." But it really is so much harder. Seems like my morals are a bit out of place.

Kind of silly, but I remember thinking if I was a good/moral person or a bad person when I was a child, and I always thought that I was a good person. But when I thought that I could actually be a bad person instead, I became really sad, and I believe I even cried over that possibility.

Completely random post... but I suppose there is not much else to do at 6:30 AM. God, sleeping when the sun comes out is depressing.


...o!!<

DATs

DAT studying is seriously driving me crazy right now. My scores have fluctuated, but in most cases, gone down. My past month have been filled with nothing but studying, and I have been completely lacking the play hard part in "work hard, play hard." I've been dying and itching to go out and do something fun, but after studying all day, I just go back home to study even more. This is also because a lot of people can't hang out or because of just my lack of friends in general. This has felt like just one [long] continuous cycle of non-stop studying. I just want a short break; just go have tons of fun for a few days and get back to work. Gahhhh, no more studying pleaseeeee :[ Or at least, let my scores go up so I don't feel like a total ratard.