Day 2: DR already?!

DR = disaster relief. We just found out that Hurricane Irene is going to hit Port Au Prince dead-on, so we’re going to be closing up the site tomorrow, sail out to sea where it’s safe, and possibly return in a few days depending on Haiti’s situation. Since their infrastructure is so bad, even just heavy rainfall can cause mudslides, which would mean we have no work sites :( Mann I can’t believe I just got here and haven’t even been able to assist. I really hope everything goes well.

Salsa-ed with the PDS peeps tonight! Kevin Lor, Mindy Li, Jonathan Kang, and Petrus Chan. Even though I’m not really into salsa, I figured I’d try to be a bit more open-minded and try it out. It was really fun, mostly the bonding with everyone too :D I really do wish I went on the ship earlier :/ Kinda a wasted summer since I spent most of it moping and being bored/useless.

Day 1: Dinner: For Prisoners or Military Only <-- yep, that's right, we eat prisoner food

Dude, the Comfort is FREAKING AWESOME! Everything is pretty much what I expected or better. The ship is SO HUGE, I literally get lost every time I leave the berthing (dorms). It’s also really hard to find your way around since every single hall looks exactly the same and there isn’t a single landmark to help you either. Also, there are separate staircases to lead to separate areas to the ship, so you’d have to climb up like 6 flights of stairs, go across the hall, then go down another 4 flights. We’re in the “overflow” berthing for civilians on Floor 4 (Top to bottom is: 02 01 Main 1 2 3 4) so we’re at the very bottom. So you have to take the stairs eveeeerywhere (and I thought Trieste was bad…).

I think the best part is that everyone’s super friendly here. Almost every single person smiles and says hi to me even though they don’t know me, and they recognize that I’m new to the ship right away. People always approach you and sincerely welcome you to the ship. I usually don’t feel very comfortable around people at first, but I felt like I belonged right away and could get along and talk to everyone really well. It’s just like one big family :) Also, since there’s barely any internet or TV, people mainly entertain themselves by hanging out or doing activities together, so it really forces you to hang out together; which is good, because otherwise we’re always so disconnected in our own little worlds. You really have no CHOICE but to bond :) One of the officers said that one of the best things about the ship is that nobody has an ego here, and I really think that’s true. AND people from like every single country are all on this one ship and it’s so cool to see the diversity.

Yeah, I’m just really excited to be here and really eager to try everything out. Living conditions aren’t that bad, except that it gets REALLY COLD at night and the blankets aren’t really sufficient enough. I usually wake up because it’s too cold and it makes it so much harder to get out of bed -__- another thing is that communicating is so hard on the ship since we can’t use phones or internet, so we just have to rely on running into each other. I really do wish I could’ve gone to Costa Rica and sailed through the Panama Canal with everyone; because when else are you going to have such an awesome opportunity right? Oh well, I guess, just gotta make the most out of what I’ve got. But this is such a good once in a lifetime opportunity and I’m super glad I’m doing it, yippee! :D

Other cool military vocab: Berthing (dorms); Head (bathrooms); Galley/Mess Deck (dining area); Muster (meetings)

Day 0: The Waiting Game

Ever since 9 pm on Thursday until 3 PM Friday, it’s been a waiting game to get onto the Comfort. I flew from SD to LA to Miami, then finally to Port Au Prince, Haiti. We met up with some people from the Navy at the airport and waited about an hour before we left to wait for the bus, which took about another 30 minutes. When I got to the airport, I asked when the next flight of people was coming in, to which a Navy person responded “fifteen hundred” …lol. We got to the port and waited for about another hour or so for the boat to take us to the Comfort. We ended up getting to the ship around 3 PM, which wasn’t that bad considering some people have been waiting in the heat since 8 AM.

My first impression of Haiti was that it was exactly how I expected it to be lol. It actually looks like a very pretty and cute place, always super sunny outside (except it’s like 125 degrees and extreme humidity -__-) with tons of trees and plants. There were people on the streets living in really broken down wooden shacks and tons of broken down tents grouped together. There were a few people running around barefoot and people really DO carry stuff on baskets on their head!

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed.

I actually don't know if you read my blog, but your actions really touched me today.

Today, I was in a really bad state. I was more depressed than I have been for months, maybe even worse. Last Fall, I got hurt more badly than I ever have in my life. Since then, everything started falling apart and I became even more closed off and distrusting of people. I started bottling up everything inside and even my best friends wouldn't know any of my problems. I just became afraid to be close to anyone, and mindset was fixated on the belief that "You can't depend on anyone but yourself. So get it together and get over it because no one is going to be there for you. They're all going to leave in the end." I never shared my problems because I didn't want to become dependent, and I didn't expect people to be there for me.

Today, when you showed up at my door, I was so shocked and surprised I nearly cried. You came to me without hesitation, just knowing that I needed someone. You did exactly what I always wanted; you didn't talk about my problems, we just hung out and enjoyed our time together. No one else has ever understood that that is just what I needed. Just helping me relax and forgetting about my problems is in fact, the best way to help me. When I'm feeling better, I'll feel more comfortable to opening up to you. You are someone I can truly call my friend, and in case you didn't know this before, you are definitely someone I can trust.

Stress

I am so stressed out right now. I think the last time I was this stressed was when I was back at De Anza. After being burnt out since summer, I stopped caring and realized that was my key to success (no joke; I've been doing infinitely better than I was when I was trying). But now that I know I have these new (learning) superpowers, my expectations suddenly rose a lot. After my first final this morning, I started stressing that I wouldn't get an A+ although I'm positive I'll at least get an A. I thought about that for like 2 hours even though I knew it didn't really matter. I'm sure I'm actually pretty prepared for my two finals tomorrow (one of which is the hardest class I've ever taken in my life, but ironically also my favorite), but I'm still stressing out. I think it's because I'm really expecting/aiming for straight A's this quarter (not like that's different from usual, but I feel like I'm a lot more capable of doing so now). Anywayyyy. Okay CHILL ANGELA! study timeeee.

When there's nowhere left to run, run with me...


Ooo.

Cheaters Never Prosper

I'm not sure if I've actually had a gone through a lot of life experiences; maybe I have, or maybe they just leave a more profound impact on me. Either way, I feel like a lot of experiences throughout my life have really shaped me to become the person I am today.

In my senior year of high school, I was rejected from practically every school I applied to [Okay, 4/8, but I only got into the crappy schools]. But most importantly, I was rejected from UCSD, the school I've been wanting to go to for the past few years. This initially hit me pretty hard, but I knew it was because I was a complete slacker. It was the worst feeling; getting rejected. I never ever wanted to let that happen again, and all that instant gratification and fun really drags you down in the future. I started busting my ass and working harder than anyone else I know. I honestly believe I am one of the most dedicated workers out there. I may not be as smart or talented, but I sure as hell don't give up on my goals.

So clearly, I believe hard work is the key to success. I'm really proud of how hard I work, and I really enjoy working hard for something I want, because it's a great feeling when all it all pays off in the end. But today, someone who I don't even know; someone who doesn't even know me asked me if I would be interested in cheating for the mol bio final. I'm not sure why, but I felt extremely offended. After rejecting him, he offered me $100 to work with him. Even worse, this cheater is in PDS. At that point, I just felt so disappointed in people like him. I'm not sure why this affected me as much as it did, but I remember how pissed I was when people who didn't even deserve to get into UCSD did, when it was something I wanted more than anything else back then. I felt like it was so unfair how I worked so hard only for someone to cheat and easily slip ahead of me and get what I want.

Oh well, I'm sure his cheating ways throughout life will end up biting him in the butt.

i miss you...


Ooo.

Guys and Girls

Okay, so I never did finish that last post. Looking at the past few blog posts, I've been extremely bitter and butt-hurt. I've mostly gotten over that phase now, so I'll spare y'all the overdramatic-ness.

Personally, I've always thought it was a lot easier to get along with guys. I think I share a lot more interests as guys do, and they're generally more chill and can take a joke. However, I've realized that although I've had many close friendships with guys, these guys never stay my friends for long. Eventually, they just all drift out of my life. Sadly, this happens so much that I'm starting to get used to it; I no longer expect my friendships to last. This is probably another reason why I don't trust anyone, because no one's really there for you. They're all just going to leave in the end.

^ Okay, that sounded really negative, but it's really not as bad as it seems. I'm just more independent and keep to myself.

I suppose in the past year, I've lost a lot of important friendships. One in particular is one that I still can't stop thinking about every day. We were so close last year, and we both said we would always be good friends, but I don't know why things just fell apart.

I've always really treasured my friendships and held them in high regard, but am I ignorant for doing so? It seems like no one else cares about staying friends or fights for a friendship as much. Maybe it's silly of me to try to hang onto things in my life so much; maybe I should just learn to let go instead.


Ooo.

Why do I always think about all these stupid as3hj4^@$df stuff when I should be thinking about my midterm tomorrow? :/

post to be continued later

I am such a relationship ruiner

:[

This is so stupid

I should have gone to UCLA instead.


Ooo.

Leg Shakers

Omg, I freaking hate leg shakers. They always sit next to me and shakeshakeshake their legs, shaking my chair, thus giving me headaches. I just want to grab this girls leg right now and be like "STOP!" ahhhhhhhhh


Ooo.

I have this friend

who I think is misunderstood by many. A lot of people think he is mean and call him a jerk, but I don't think so. He is a very overlooked good friend who will always be there for you, and support you even if he doesn't show it. He is very accepting and never judges people. Not only that, he has many admirable qualities, especially courage and honesty. He will always be straightforward and real with you, and would never beat around the bush. I always try to do that too, but when it comes down to it, I chicken out sometimes. Also, when he puts his mind to it, he is very productive and efficient and on top of things; these are a lot of good traits that I strive to have too. I just think he deserves this post because people don't appreciate what a good friend he is sometimes.

At times like these, when I really think about who my real friends are, I'm glad that I have you as my friend even though we may not talk that much. :]


Ooo.

New Year Resolutions

I've been wanting to update about so many things for so long, but I always get hella lazy and end up not doing it. Anyway, kinda late, but lots of new year resolutions to work on!

1) Be more mature: I realized that I am rather immature, particularly when it comes to relationships. I should learn when to let go and accept consequences for my actions.

2) Don't be so close-minded and be open to new chances. Don't be afraid of change!

3) Be more open and force myself to go out and put myself out there; don't be afraid to meet new people and talk.

4) Be a better person: be more patient with family, be completely HONEST with people and don't be afraid of what people will say or think. But don't be such a people pleaser.

5) 4.0! Improve study habits and be patient when trying to learn new things.

6) Be more independent and complain less.

7) Spend less money and get a job.

8) Snack less! Surprisingly, I'm already doing pretty well on this part; I'm now eating 1 full meal a day + snacks, instead of all snacks.

Um okay, so that's a lot... I guess just general life improvement should be my goal haha.

On a random note, looking through all the podcasts offered, there are so many interesting classes I'd love to take just for fun. If i had a whole bunch of time, I'd definitely just listen to some of these lectures just to learn more. Being back in school makes me motivated to learn and reminds me of how much I enjoy learning new things.


Ooo.