Home Sweet Apartment

I came back to SD today. When I got into my apartment, it felt nostalgic and home-y although I haven't stayed there long at all; only a month or so. Still though, it felt even more welcoming when Sharon, Katasha, and I played this Pictionary game online. Hilarious and entertaining, btw. I think my sentences/phrases are really choppy right now, and I'm not sure. Maybe it's because my thoughts and all frazzled. Frazzled? Who says frazzled....? Anyway... back to the subject, it was just a very warm and welcoming feeling to spend time and laugh with apartment mates. It made me re-think about I-House. I wondered if this is another one of those things where I really want it and I continue to want it although I don't know why I do anymore. I don't know if that made sense. Anyway, I made cookies later and gave some to Sharon. She happily replied, "I love being your roommate!" Although it made me feel happy for the initial second, I immediately felt guilty and somewhat sad and regretful about moving out.

Mannnn, I feel so angst-y lately. I don't really know why; it's similar to the feeling I had last, last Spring Quarter when I got burnt out from De Anza. Although it's weird because I knowingly forced myself into this burnt-outness. I don't even think I really am burnt out, but maybe I'm burnt out from life? I just feel like there's no excitement and I seriously have a lack of friends. This is so reminiscent of last fall when I went through a whole emo loner phase. There has got to be more to my life than just school; I know after I messed up in high school, I dedicated a lot to academics, but maybe too much. I don't feel like I have much left and I need some stimulation in my life to feel like I'm really alive. I want to go on an adventure.

Anyway, I don't know if this is on a brighter note or note. But I finally set my mind to do something I've wanted to for a long time. Since I'm running on this adrenaline to act upon it, I hope the feeling doesn't wear off anytime soon. I can see this feeling slipping quick if I don't do something about it ASAP, because I rarely have the guts to confront people. I don't want to keep myself waiting anymore; but more importantly, I don't want to keep anyone else waiting anymore.